They don’t tell you what the truly scary part of growing up is. And despite how much I straight up acted like a fool in middle and high school, the archetype of embarrassing teenage transition, I feel like I’m doing my most growing up right now.
The truly scary part is not learning how to make your own meals and doctor’s appointments and pay rent, even though all those things are a slap in the face and I definitely did not realize how much work goes into literally keeping your physical body alive and well (I’ve been trying to drag myself to the dentist for about six months now).
Yeah, it sucks the first time you get a parking ticket and YOU have to pay it. Or when you oversleep and can’t blame your mom for not waking you. It also really sucks when you first start to feel that distance from your family because you’re no longer walking in their door every day. And when you realize it’s your responsibility to maintain those relationships with your mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt, grandma, cousin, or best friend two thousand miles away. Because no one is making you do anything anymore.
While all of that sounds pretty disgusting, it’s not the worst part. The worst part is wondering if you can even do it. It’s feeling like a little kid in an adult world, wondering how people get into medical school and Broadway when you can’t even find it within yourself to get off of Netflix. It’s the days of self doubt, when you wonder if you really can even go somewhere in life. If you even have the capability to love, to make money for yourself, to excel heavily at something, to find a passion, any passion. Knowing that your personal happiness is in your hands is equal parts exhilarating, empowering, and terrifying.
Sometimes I get all worked up just at the thought of how much harder everything is going to get. And then I remember that God only gives us new hurdles when we’re ready for them. Always progressing, learning, enduring. That’s the human way.
And a vast majority of the time, life just freaking blows and you don’t want to hear some speech about embracing failure.
But guess what, kids, we’re all in it together.