About eight months ago, I wrote a piece called Simple. I was six months into my relationship, feeling the puppy love full force, and I wrote that post about how amazing life was being in love with my man.
This is the antithesis to that piece. This is about how love is complicated.
I’m not negating what I wrote about eight months ago; every word I wrote was true. At the basis of any good relationship, there has to be that fire. You have to have a burning desire to love and touch and protect that person every single day. But there’s so much more to it than that, and while I knew that at the time, I hadn’t experienced it yet. I still haven’t experienced it, to be honest. But I’ve gotten tastes.
When it becomes complicated is when you first start to realize the differences in your beliefs and your plans for your future, no matter how small–there are always going to be some.
It’s when you truly begin to get to know that person, and realize that they feel love in slightly different ways and that they have different needs than you.
It’s when you don’t shower each other with endless affection like you did at the beginning, and you have to work a little bit harder to remind each other that the fire is still there.
It’s when you see your person changing and growing before your very eyes, and learn that it isn’t a bad thing. It’s realizing you might have to do some growing and changing yourself.
It’s learning how not to take out all your anger and stress on the person who is there for you the most, simply because you think they will not leave your life because of it.
It’s trying to define the line between having a healthy, progressing relationship, and rushing things for some latent reason. It’s meeting your person where they are, and expecting them to do the same for you when the time is right.
People are complicated. Even the seemingly simplest people on earth are complicated, because the annoying truth is, we’re all different–no matter how similar we are–and none of us are mind readers. Thus, there are always going to be a few gaps in knowledge and understanding, and a big part of love is filling some in and being okay with the rest. I would argue that my boyfriend and I are pretty easygoing and readable people, but a good 20% of the time I can’t really tell for sure what he’s thinking or why he does certain things.
Everyone knows that relationships are a good chunk compromise, and it sounds pretty easy until you actually have to do it. I should’ve known God wasn’t just gonna plop some human I perfectly meshed with on my doorstep. But he came pretty close.
Compromise: the big bad word of doom. They didn’t tell us in all of the movies and books that we might have to make some sacrifices; that even after the initial victory of winning someone over, you have to fight for them continuously. And when I say that, I don’t mean that it should be a struggle (as contradictory as that sounds). Fighting for someone means supporting them and giving them all of yourself, even when life doesn’t make it easy–and they should always be fighting for you too. Because just looking at that fairly short, non-exhaustive list I just made, it isn’t always simple and it isn’t always easy.
But the love you have for each other can make it simple.
This post is for the one I love; thanks for taking on the road bumps with me.
“If you want love, you gon’ have to go through the pain. If you want love, you gon’ have to learn how to change. If you want trust, you gon’ have to give some away. If you want love.” -NF