I doubt I’m alone in saying that sometimes I struggle with loneliness. I wouldn’t necessarily categorize this as a problem, but rather an extension of my personality. For someone who is actually introverted in many ways, I still prefer to be around people. That isn’t saying I have to be outwardly interacting with them–just around them. Whether it’s my roommate hanging out in her room while I’m in mine, or my boyfriend playing video games while I do homework, I simply feel more comfortable with someone nearby. I’ve never let this preference debilitate me in any way, but when everyone I know is busy or gone, it can be an uncomfortable feeling for me internally.
Not to go all psychological, but I think some of this stems from the fact that I’ve moved a lot in my life due to being part of a military family. Through every move, my family was the main source of comfort and familiarity. For as long as I can remember, the people I love have been my home in so many more ways than any physical place.
Normally, I just find ways to occupy myself and it’s ultimately not a huge deal. But yesterday, I embraced my loneliness.
My boyfriend has been out of town for about a week, and I would be lying if I said I haven’t seriously noticed that void. Despite going through my days like normal, enjoying time with other people, and knowing he’ll be back very soon, I miss him nonetheless. I was driving the other day and decided to pull up one of my old Christian playlists–something I listen to when I’m down, so, not super often. The song “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North came on, and an immediate peace came rushing over me as I realized I had forgotten something so important and so wonderful.
In all my fixation on my earthly situation, I had forgotten that my God is always with me. He’s always by my side. And at that realization, my loneliness transformed into something ineffably beautiful.
“Cause I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night, whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you.”
I don’t normally like to share personal aspects of myself, but I am in the hopes that whoever stumbles upon this post might be reminded that they are never truly alone. He’s with you while you cry in the middle of the night, while you laugh with your loved ones, while you drive down an empty highway.
He’s always got us, and nothing else could comfort me more.
Cover photo: A sunrise in Laramie, Wyoming that I found especially invigorating one morning ♥